But weren’t we all so tolerant ?

Have you ever had the feeling people did not really take you seriously? Or treated you as though you were actually quite incapable? Like when a person takes your tasks out of your hands, “Let me do this”, or when you do your work, they ask you repeatedly “Are you ok? Is it going well? How are you feeling?”, with that kindly and yet subtly belittling tone in their voice they would use with a child, a sick elderly, or a severely mentally challenged person? It may happen to you who are undiagnosed and autistic, as well as to the person who has done their autistic coming out : people in your private or professional surrounding suddenly think you are intellectually and emotionally challenged, because you’re a little different. It happens more often than you would think. And not only in the workplace!

When this happens repeatedly, your (self) confidence gets a blow. You may have anger outbursts. Or become sleepless with self doubt and frustration. These ‘little things’ can end up being deeply traumatizing. It’s like a form of harassment, wearing you out in duration and repetition.

We are actually talking about one expression of ‘ableism‘.

What about the Billies Gates of this world?

Now about women : I don’t think the Bills Gates, Tims Burton, Alberts Einstein, Elons Musk of this world are or have been as often confronted with infantilization as we women are. Men have the advantage of living in a world where male chauvinism still gives them an umbrella of protection (I once got replaced at a job where a much younger guy got a much higher salary and title than me for the same work) and guys can more freely be original geeks, artists, business folk, and are more often applauded for their intelligence and originality. Often times a woman is more easily judged for being different. She’s weird. She’s too sensitive. She’s a little anti-social. She doesn’t want to live her life like anybody else. And so all she puts her energy in, is in trying to comply in order to survive.

Go within and you will find your way out

What you need to work on when you feel this has happened once too often, is your self worth. And your confidence. Go within, and you will find it. You know it is there. Don’t look for it in others. Don’t surround yourself with people who obviously don’t respect you. Don’t put others first. Stop killing your feelings in order to please others.
And find a safe space where you can express this pain, feel understood and supported, so you can heal. It can be with a partner or good friend, or even better: a therapist or coach. I say ‘even better’, because this distinct role is good. A therapist and a coach have the necessary distance and knowledge to offer you the safe space that is only yours.

Famous Coach Mel Robbins gave a class about Self Confidence and it all came down to this: “self confidence is not a feeling, we don’t ‘feel’ self confident. Self confidence is an action. It is about being willing to try.”

You are your own person. With your integrity, your dignity, your talents, your wishes and your values.

Marlene
Autism Coach

PS : I searched the internet for ‘autism + infantilized‘ and found this : “Are people with autism infantilized? Providing support for our autistic teen or adult is a necessary part of being a parent, and this is often one of our top concerns. But as we do so, we can unknowingly fall into a default mechanism that infantilizes the individual and treats them as if they are not capable of being their own person.“