So let’s talk about neurotypical people and their problems with communication.

Lately it has happened to me again: a person says something to me to be nice, or to look good in the eyes of others, and I take it seriously. It’s a very autistic problem, to just believe what people say.

Like when a neighbor says: “If ever you need anything, do not hesitate, you can always ring my doorbell”. And the next time you stand at their door, you learn the hard way that they are actually not available at all.

Or when that lady in a shop tells you to just bring back the article you bought and exchange for something else, and then when you do, they are suddenly behaving really weird and giving you about 5 excuses why they can’t accept the exchange.

Or the guy who is not really that into you and who says: “I need time”, and a long time of waiting starts. Because you give him time. Because he said he needed it!

Or the typical “We should hang out!” and when you try to set a date, they never return your calls.

How do we solve these miscommunications that so often lead to trauma? Can we train ourselves to detect the ‘being nice the neurotypical way’ and simply ask them directly, when they say : “Oh I’ll drive you to the airport” whether they mean it or if they are just being nice? Because to us, the whole ‘being nice’ thing often means that our trust gets broken, and many of us end up just giving up. Because it happens too often, and we get so hurt.

It’s because most autistic people don’t function this way. We mean what we say. We remember the words while maybe for the neurotypical person it’s all about how they were said, or in what context.

We believe the words, and for some this is called ‘black and white thinking’, for others it is being clear, honest and straightforward.